Constellation Reflection.

Second year of constellation was very different for me than the first. In the first I had Martin Woodward, and I very much enjoyed what we were focussing on and studying, however this year with Clive I really struggled to get into the course and enjoy it. I felt very inferior to other students in the class and I think this had a big effect to my studies. What we covered I did find interesting, and when I grasped an idea I found myself want to read further and really get stuck into things, however I always found myself feeling confused. I think I also struggled to see eye-to-eye with Clive’s teaching techniques; he spoke mainly in metaphor (Which of course, ‘Metaphysics of Metaphor’ what should I expect?) But I just struggled to have a clear understanding. But this is nothing against Clive himself. I feel these struggles followed into my studies and disheartened me.

We then began to start work on our dissertations, first off receiving the lecture from Ashley. It was all very exciting, confusing and mostly terrifying, but things got under-way afterwards. We waited to be assigned our dissertation tutors and I was back with Clive. I expressed to my illustration tutor that I wish to be with someone else however I couldn’t move. I then changed my dissertation idea to focus on the performances of Marina Abramovic, and attended a meeting with Cath Davies to talk over research and whether I could move tutors. I grew anxious about it as I didn’t want this to hinder my dissertation studies the way it had hindered my constellation studies before. However after talking with Cath she made it clear that looking at my question, Clive was most suited to be my tutor. As he may not know much about Abramovic herself, I am going to learn to take the suggestions he give me for consciousness and be able to adapt them to my research. It has been going well and I am feeling much more confident after expressing my options. One problem I’ve been struggling with is a family illness which began just before the Easter break started, and it became difficult to produce work. Throughout this period I kept in close contact with all of my tutors to inform them of what’s going on. Beside all of this, I have really enjoyed getting stuck into my dissertation proposal and the literature review; it’s exciting to be able to get a grasp of where my dissertation will be going. After speaking with Cath about my question she was happy, so this gave me a boost which is what I needed after struggling throughout my constellation this year. I felt very incapable of producing a piece of writing that would qualify.

Towards the end of term before Christmas we were asked to write a 500 word essay, and I didn’t get a brilliant grade. Again, this disheartened me which I found extremely intimidating before starting the dissertations, however I understand the feedback I was given off Clive for the essay and I feel I have managed to channel it throughout and avoid making the same mistakes twice (hopefully!). I am someone who benefits greatly from crits and one-to-one tutorials, much more than group lectures. I found with the first few lectures with Clive to prepare us for writing the proposals I was panicking and struggling to understand how the lecture can apply to us all and help us all, I was worried about my time being filled with information that may just confuse me further. Personally, I find myself as a very needy student; I benefit very well from one to one tutorials, not to be told what to do, but I very much enjoy thinking out loud and expressing where I intend to be going with my projects. (I apologise, tutors).

I feel like I could do with some more help in research areas, especially when I need to delve into an idea further and really dissect a theory, then follow that up with evidence, I feel like a session or two helping me be able to nail down a solid answer would be very helpful. This is because of the feedback I got for my previous 500 essay. I had a feeling I wouldn’t do so well with it so this is something I would like to avoid in the future.

I am feeling very happy with how the end of year has turned out, although it may have been rocky with the tutors and my understanding has fluctuated, I am confident with where I am heading and how I will be able to cope with the Dissertation research and writing over the summer holidays.

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